I think that the time may have come to be rid of this xanga. First of all, I waste a ton of time on it. Secondly, every time I come on I just want to write depressed things that shouldn’t be sent out to the entire world. And I no longer feel like thinking of stuff that anybody who randomly comes across this site could read without me caring.

So…yeah. Bye…

Today was “field day” in cross country! It was really cool, except that I now have a lingering smell of rotten eggs all over me. Afterwards, I went running and it got dark. I swear I run like 2 minutes per mile faster in the dark! Well, actually I don’t swear that, but it always takes me a lot less time to run the same distance at night. And by night I mean 5:00.

Yeah you know what is completely annoying? Ever since last April I have been talking to teachers, writing up proposals, having meetings with school administrator people, and trying to pull EVERY single string possible to start a Spanish club. Even though all of the language teachers say there’s no way they’re starting up language clubs again. I have put like a lot of work into this. And then today, after some people just had some quick talks with one teacher, they make a nice morning announcement that the FRENCH club is officially starting this Thursday! UM YEAH that is a little bit irritating. Even if the Spanish club finally starts up now, it’s not like an original idea anymore. Nothing against the cool French-speaking people who started it of course, but it’s completely unfair that I’ve done all this work and gotten nowhere and the fact that they can start their club so easily is kind of….yeah.

But….at least now I can complain that the school is being discriminatory against Spanish people as YET ANOTHER argument! Hooray for that.

Mr. Corrigan skipped school today because he had to ref a soccer game. What an emergency. But me, Adam, and Al got to spend the whole class looking up pictures on google and joining xanga blogrings! Alas, I had to bid a tearful goodbye to “HI, my name is Christine” in order to make room to join “S.A.C.” And then every time Mr. Smith or the sub came near we’d flip back to Interactive Physics and be like, “So what are we doing?” But we never actually did anything.

You know what I just realized today? Sorry, I’m going to keep talking about school because that’s all I have to talk about. But I realized I don’t really want to go to a college with all smart people anymore. Because then I’ll be the dumb one and I’ll just feel bad for four years.

If I end up to applying to a college north of here and get accepted, will you please intercept the letter before it comes to my house.

I always threaten to cry in the cold, but today I think that I literally was crying before the cross country race. Standing on the starting line in tiny shorts, a T-shirt, and the flimsy uniform tank top with a huge gusting wind from the pond and a temperature of like…42 degrees? I never used to mind things like that, but I’m becoming a baby in my old age and I’m seriously like disgusted by the thought of an entire winter coming up.

Time is going soooooooooooo fast! For once I wish the weeks felt longer because I have so much stuff to do (in school and outside of school) and no time to get it done! Maybe because I waste so much time here…on xangetta.

PLEDGE: No going to xanga.com until next Monday. If you notice intense withdrawal systems in the next few days, don’t be alarmed. Maybe get help if I start shaking badly.

Until THEN…

GOODBYE ORANGE LOCKERS!!!!!!

There they are, out in the middle of nowhere with nobody to love them.
I wrote a letter on mine imploring the janitors not to rip it down, but I know it will never work and that’s why I’m going to cry. “Life in the Orange Hallways” is now “Life in the Gray Hallways.” How sad.
Senior year will be so weird because of stupid gray lockers, block scheduling, and no more Mr. Cantillon. The school is going insane!

Glenda takes the train home every day and arrives at the station at precisely 6:00 PM. Her husband drives from home to pick her up and also arrives at exactly 6:00. One day, Glenda catches the early train home, which arrives at 5:00 PM. She decides to start walking home. Along the way, she meets her husband, gets into the car, and they drive back home. They arrive exactly 10 minutes earlier than usual. How long had Glenda been walking?

This was my brother’s 7th grade math problem, and it took me like 15 minutes of just sitting there thinking to solve it. I’m dying.

But I got to sleep after track today due to the Jewish holidays of no homework! I’m alive again.

Whenever I am not running…like seriously the second I finish a race from the moment I start running again…I’m always like, “I can go as fast as I want, there is nothing stopping me except for lack of willpower!” And then I look at the situation from a big perspective and it’s like, yeah, obviously I can just put myself in pain for a little while because in the scheme of things it’s just 20-some minutes of my life, and it’s completely my choice, I can just speed up if I want to… But then the MOMENT I start running, I forget all of that and just think, “NEVER MIND, forget all of that reasoning, I don’t care if it seemed so easy from my seat in XXX class today, I CAN’T GO FASTER!!”

SIMILARLY, now let’s compare life to running! When I am not around people it seems so easy, I just think, “If I want to be a more likable person than I can just be one, there is nothing stopping me.” Like nobody forces me to be shy, I just make myself that way. Which is all fine to think but then the second I’m around other people…once again, NEVER MIND, I can’t do it!!! Like how pathetic is it to just go through life not liking yourself? I’ve never really liked myself but I’m just so used to it that usually I’m happy anyway. I mean, I’m rarely ever depressed and of course I have fun doing friend-stuff and random stuff and all that, but the fact remains, I completely dislike my personality. Why am I writing this on xanga. Maybe somebody should get me a diary for christmas so I stop posting stuff publicly on the internet, but I could never make myself write in a journal all the time so never mind.

P.S. Different note, I just found an awesome piano book of 1990’s movie songs and Beatles music so now I’m learning “Go the Distance” instead of the weird Schumann song that Mr. Willis gave me.
Oh yeah, and I got my advanced scuba card thing in the mail! Along with the Spanish textbooks (yay) and MCAS scores (I passed guys, you can stop holding your breath) and another letter from University of Alaska. University of Hawaii sent stuff last year–that sounds much more appealing.

Time to go read Mind of the South. I sprained my arm or did something when I fell like a complete klutz during cross country today. Now I can barely move it!!! My knees will survive though, despite the fact that they were bleeding flourescent red blood. Well, I’ve wasted the whole night trying to wake myself up for studying by drinking lots of caffeine, taking a cold shower, having a “power nap,” eating ice, etc., but the bottom line is I’m completely exhausted. In the last week I cut my hours of sleep to less than half of what it was over the summer. And every time I try to study one page of that book, my eyes close and I start nodding off. Well, maybe now that Gemma’s gone I’ll have some more time soon, except it was really sad when the Spanish kids left. When I told her after school that I had cross country and might not see her again, she started crying hysterically. So I felt really bad and waited around after XC (I didn’t call it track!!)for their bus to come to the high school and for them to leave (actually, basically all of the host kids were there). For most of the time she was okay but then as people got ready to board the bus she started crying really hard again. ‘Twas very triste. But I guess it’s better than her being ecstatic about going home. So that is that, and now I’ll have to get used to speaking English in my house again! Woah, is that actually the normal language in Winchester?? Who knew…

One more attempt to read that book, or otherwise I’ll just have to miraculously pull an essay out of my shoe tomorrow.

Okay, my list of birth defects was a really weird and random way of saying that I’m tired of being…..yeaahh. Like…you know…I would so much rather be a sketchy person, a redundant person, a heinously stupid or unattractive or obese person, a clingy and needy person, anything but an awkward person!!! Awkward is stupid. Not saying anything and standing around like a moron half the time is a stupid and pathetic thing!

Oh, I just thought of a constructive idea!! I will now practice changing my personality ONE STEP AT A TIME so that tomorrow I will have moved away from being awkward and into the endless opportunities of other negative personality traits. So here’s my trial run…

Sketchy:
Heh heh, yeah, we went to school, I hid behind the vending machine and leered at little freshmen. During history I went into the bathroom and made hitlist # 3454 as I donned my creepy black makeup and sharpened all my knives. Then I decided to stalk a shrimpy little boy for the rest of the day. I tripped him and stole $89 from his backpack. It was awesome. I used the money to buy pot for my 11 year old boyfriend.

Redundant:
School this year starts at 7:45 AM. That’s AM not PM. Such a time is rather early. 7:45 AM is the time at which school starts and I find it rather early. Sometimes there is not a lot of time to sleep especially when I stay up late studying. There is a Spanish girl staying with me and I often have to stay up late studying once she goes to bed. In the morning I have to wake up because school starts at 7:45 AM. If I get there at 7:45 AM and 10 seconds, that is too late. But I am often tired because I stayed up late studying. Then I have to wake up early. There is a Spanish girl staying with me who is nice. The Spanish girl is quite a nice person. But school starts early. It starts at 7:45 AM.

Mentally impaired:
I laik go skool i have 6 teechers in one class we rite in anuther counnting nmbrs laik whon too thre four it fun see frands

Clingy/needy:
Um okay so the school year started and I don’t know WHAT anybody is thinking but like Philly Foo Foo totally said he would walk me between my classes and he completely forgot after math and so I was stuck there and he made me miss my art class!!! I mean because I am not going all the way down two flights of stairs to art all by myself! So I went back into math and asked if I could sit down and start the homework and the teacher was like “sure” but THEN I asked her to write me notes on the section and solve number one for me and she was being such an imbecile about it, but that’s when Philly FINALLY showed up!!! Only he had lunch and I had no money so I convinced him to buy me a sandwich and a coke and a fresh apple pie downtown. Except then a girl from my science class showed up and like I completely needed the homework but she WOULDN’T let me copy it and that’s when Philly drove away without me!!! I cried and cried and I didn’t want to be stranded alone like a 1/2 mile from the school so a guy working in the sewer asked if I wanted to come down. So I got to stay with him all day and it wasn’t so bad.

Heinously obese:
I went to school. I went to the cafeteria. They had baked a batch of muffins. I stole the muffins. I ate the muffins. The muffins were good. Then I ate three pepperoni pizzas. They should put more chocolate on the pizza next time.

So, which one can you see happening, or any other suggestions?

Some people are born without a leg…some people are born without a nose…lots of people are born bald…some people are born without thumbs and have to get their big toes surgically attached to their hands as the only alternative…some people are born lacking an X chromosome…and then SOME PEOPLE are born just completely lacking a personality!!!

So doesn’t that suck.