Whenever I am not running…like seriously the second I finish a race from the moment I start running again…I’m always like, “I can go as fast as I want, there is nothing stopping me except for lack of willpower!” And then I look at the situation from a big perspective and it’s like, yeah, obviously I can just put myself in pain for a little while because in the scheme of things it’s just 20-some minutes of my life, and it’s completely my choice, I can just speed up if I want to… But then the MOMENT I start running, I forget all of that and just think, “NEVER MIND, forget all of that reasoning, I don’t care if it seemed so easy from my seat in XXX class today, I CAN’T GO FASTER!!”
SIMILARLY, now let’s compare life to running! When I am not around people it seems so easy, I just think, “If I want to be a more likable person than I can just be one, there is nothing stopping me.” Like nobody forces me to be shy, I just make myself that way. Which is all fine to think but then the second I’m around other people…once again, NEVER MIND, I can’t do it!!! Like how pathetic is it to just go through life not liking yourself? I’ve never really liked myself but I’m just so used to it that usually I’m happy anyway. I mean, I’m rarely ever depressed and of course I have fun doing friend-stuff and random stuff and all that, but the fact remains, I completely dislike my personality. Why am I writing this on xanga. Maybe somebody should get me a diary for christmas so I stop posting stuff publicly on the internet, but I could never make myself write in a journal all the time so never mind.
P.S. Different note, I just found an awesome piano book of 1990’s movie songs and Beatles music so now I’m learning “Go the Distance” instead of the weird Schumann song that Mr. Willis gave me. 
Oh yeah, and I got my advanced scuba card thing in the mail! Along with the Spanish textbooks (yay) and MCAS scores (I passed guys, you can stop holding your breath) and another letter from University of Alaska. University of Hawaii sent stuff last year–that sounds much more appealing.
Travels in the Cordillera Huayhuash and Cordillera Blanca 
It took me several races in my freshman year to realize that you should end the race in pain. Otherwise I just sort of jogged a long until I realized what horrible times I got and that made me feel worse. So which is worse: mental pain or physical pain? for me mental pain is worse cause I can torture myself much longer then my body would feel sore.I can’t talk to new people either. i always wondered how you and tessa became friends, if when you first hung out, you just sat awkwardly next to eachother and didn’t speak. obviously, you need special situations to become friends with someone, but who doesn’t? I don’t know anyone who just walks up to another person and asks them to be friends. I passed MCAS too! High five!
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Yeah, go Jock Willis! *high five*And you shouldn’t dislike yourself because you’re shy. We all have our faults!
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Wow that’s weird, other people have asked me the same question. I guess that….in 6th grade I randomly decided that I WOULD make friends with Katie Tinmouth because I needed to meet new people, so I started doing stuff with her, and every day in history we would sit there and grin at each other across the room. So I did stuff with Katie but in terms of her other elementary school friends: I was extremely afriad of Caitlin, I didn’t know what to think of Sarah R., and I thought that Tessa and Theresa hated me because they never talked to me or something. But then eventually the big day came when Katie said “DO YOU WANT TO SIT AT MY LUNCH TABLE?” and it was the beginning of me getting to know all the V.O. people. I guess I sort of broke into their group but (hopefully) they didn’t mind. We did the middle school spring track thing together and one day Caitlin invited me to her house afterwards with them to run in the sprinkler. I remember that like really well and I even remember what we ate there. And then they started inviting me to sleepovers and stuff, in which I learned “the voice” and words such as “beej, peej, and veej” oh and of course “la,” “so sor,” and all the other VO lingo. Oh yes, and I made the “real Alex Goldberg” prank call to James Henry and called Shawn Baker to ask him to the ENKA fair even though he probably didn’t know who I was. Okay, now I’m just having random memories of 6th grade, which by the way was a very cool year. But anyway, that is how I got to know Tessa. And by 7th grade we were friends. Sealing our friendship with the Yada Yada tribal calls. Hooray. So I guess that it wasn’t awkward and we didn’t generally sit together not speaking for long periods of time.Wait john/fronge, do you still take lessons from mr. willis too? COOL!
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christine, are you taking obscene classes? what is this XXX nonsense? hahaha
don’t hate yourself for being shy. that’s MY job! that is to say, hating myself, not hating you, for being shy. gfadhkj. And if I remember correctly, there was no awkwardness between us when we became comrades.
OMG OMG OMG OMG YOU ARE PLAYING THAT SONG FROM HERCULES!!!!! (see my xanga) IT IS THE BEST DISNEY SONG EVER along with the one that goes “BLESS MAH SOUL, HERC WAS ON A ROLE” hahahaah sorry. BUT I REALLY WANT TO PLAY THAT SONG! weird that I was JUST thinking about how awesome that song is, and how I want to see the movie again, and play it. and now YOU get to play it! yaaaaaaaaay don’t let me down, stine, don’t let me down. I have 2 beatles books too. They just about rock.
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PS Josh Feblowitz played that song at one of Mr. Willis’s recitals, and he sang, and I thought it was the coolest thing EVER.
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oh my god, we were so weird in middle school. I had kind of forgotten some of that stuff over the years. I agree with you on that shy thing btw.
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I like your personality. I mean I wouldn’t like you if you turned out to be some girl who hounding men like dogs and you ponced on everythung that had um…a manly part.
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hahaha. a manly part.
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Hahaha. I can still remember back in the sixth grade, when they had those lunch tables that were divided down the middle, and Christine and Katie would sit on either side of the table but next to each other. Then all the Ambrose people sat on Christine’s side and all the V.O. people sat on Katie’s side. Then Dan and Katie went out, and Dan brought Adam along to our table … and did Adam bring Sarah, or did she just come on her own? By the way, Christine, I NEVER hated you. Those memories you wrote about were funny. And I also have the “shyness syndrome,” so know that you are not alone. I feel your pain in terms of running … I really do think that a lot of it is your various thoughts fighting with each other in the middle of a race, and you have to pick which one to listen to. You should just try to push yourself, and even when you think you can’t keep it up, have the confidence that you will because you’re physically capable of it, even if it hurts. If that makes any sense.
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